Thursday, November 16, 2006

Why I Won't Watch the News Anymore

Bigger Threat: Asian Tsunami or Tom "Crazy" Cruise?


Yesterday I was at the gym and Headline News was on. The anchor announced "BREAKING NEWS" -- a 16" wave hit Japan, signaling a tsunami threat. But the anchor didn't get very far into the report. "We'll have more news as it is available."

The next story? Britney Spears' prenup and K-Fed's sex tape.
The story after that? Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' wedding.
The story after that? Parents beating each other at a pee-wee football game (complete with amateur footage).

Those things qualify as "headline news"? What about the President's trip to Asia, or the standoff over North Korea's nuclear weapons program? Iraq? Or Abramoff going to jail? Lame-duck session in Congress?

Some other things that made me sad at the state of the media and people in general...

Right after Daniel Smith died in the Bahamas and Anna Nicole Smith was all over the news, a poll was televised. It asked, "Do you feel sorry for Anna Nicole Smith?" ... 50% of respondents said "Yes," and 50% of respondents said "No."

Wow. I'm shocked that 1) someone would ask that question, 2) people voted on it, and 3) that 50% of Americans don't feel sorry for the TrimSpa trainwreck who just lost her son.

I hoped things would get better when I watched ABC Evening News. Nope. They ran a whole segment on the TomKat wedding. Another station called the TomKat wedding "the biggest event the world has seen this year." Unless they're sending me an invitation, I don't care (I mean, Oprah wasn't even invited!).

Maybe the news is so bad these days that America don't want to deal with it. Maybe America wants to be distracted by K-Fed and Dancing With the Stars. As John Lennon once sang, "Living is easy with eyes closed..."

Guess I'll keep getting my news from Stewart and Colbert.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Hipster Haikus: Wes Anderson





My old roomie, Sarah, doesn't like Wes Anderson or his movies (that she's never watched). In fact, here's a conversation we once had:

Sarah: What does Karl [the krazy squirrel] have in common with wes anderson movies??--> they both bite! AHAHAHAHAHA!

CK: Whatever, dude, don't let the hipsters hear you compare Wes Anderson to a rabid squirrel... that's their hero you're talking about.

Sarah: Wes Anderson's so stupid, he thought a Quarterback was a refund! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Harsh, right? So when she read the haikus, she challenged me to write about her and Wes. So here's to you, Sarah -- go rent Rushmore.

Hipster Haiku #14:

Georgetown Law students
Know Wes Anderson movies
Like they know their torts.

Hipster Haiku #15:

The man invented
Max Fischer and Pagoda.
Creative genius!

Hipster Haiku #16:

Owen, Luke and Bill.
His preferred actors. His friends.
Can you top that, Black?

Hipster Haiku #17:

The Life Aquatic.
"Out here we call them pirates."
Rest in peace Kingsley.

Hipster Haiku #18:

"Royal Tenebaum:
Died tragically rescuing
His family." FIN.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Hipster Haikus: I Love the Nightlife

Hipster Haiku, #10:

Few bands can pull a
Bowery Ballroom trifecta.
The sign you’ve made it.

Hipster Haiku, #11:

When I was your age
“CBGB” was more than
A shirt at Urban.

Hipster Haiku, #12:

To find MJQ
Look for a spray-painted shed.
(Reads: Cool Kids Only)

Hipster Haiku, #13:

Wake up the next day
Smelling like a cigarette
I like it that way.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Hipster Haikus: Odes to the Subway

Hipster Haiku #7:

Saw you on the 4
But didn't hear me say "Hey"
Your earbuds were in.

Hipster Haiku #8:

I'd bike to see you
But, you know -- New York drivers...
Subway suits me fine.

Hipster Haiku #9:

No seats left today.
Might as well make out with you
We're standing so close.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Hipster Haikus

Elizabeth at work showed me a book of Hipster Haikus. So I thought I'd write some of my own. This could be a fun project.

Hipster Haiku #1:

Make eyes at me through
Black rectangular glasses.
Cue Mates of State song.


Hipster Haiku #2:

Liberal arts degree
Helps me understand lyrics
Of Colin Meloy


Hipster Haiku #3:


Found him on MySpace;
Influences: Nick Drake, Low.
Meet me in Brooklyn.


Hipster Haiuk #4:

That Sufjan Stevens
Promised us fifty albums
Feel the Illinoise.


Hipster Haiku: #5

Made you a playlist.
Why use words when Morrissey
Knows just how I feel?


Hipster Haiku #6:

Can of PBR
And Parliament cigarettes.
You only live once.