Caren Explains Her Pre-School Homework

Now that I'm done traveling, I'm jobless and waiting for school to start. My own private purgatory... maybe "holding pattern" is more appropriate, though Rachael calls it the "River of Tears."

To keep from going stir-crazy I've been staying out of the house and instead rotating from one coffee shop to the other... this is mostly so that the baristas don't realize how much I'm taking advantage of their free Internet and refills policies.

I go to these coffee shops so I can complete some pre-school, pre-orientation homework. So far there are two key takeaways from this series of math "tutorials":

1) I feel smarter already.
2) I want to slam my head against a wall.

The makers of these tutorials have a sense of humor, though. Occasionally there is funny clip-art animations, like the one below, which is apparently illustrates the consequences of over-staffing a hotel and having idle bellhops (take note, Dad!):



Welcome to the next two years of my life!

Caren Explains Her World Travels

(Me at Dogfish Head Brewery in Delaware)

I've been traveling for 19 days now and have visited 18 cities and two countries... this includes Becky and Marc's awesome wedding!! This has been exhausting, stimulating, and exhilarating. In the process, the boulder on my shoulder has become the pebble in my shoe... in other words, I'm getting better by the day, coping with what I'm confronted with.

The best thing I've done these past weeks was to visit the town where my great grandfather was born, in Ireland. I spent a rainy day holed up in Ireland's National Library, going thru microfiche records, and found that most of that family's lineage originated in Millstreet, Co. Cork. So Lauren and I went there and found evidence of my ancestry... street signs, tombstones, familiar faces.... It was so touching. We went to Saturday night Mass at the church where my great granddad was baptized and I felt so humbled and happy. Some things transcend time and trends.

Where will I go next? Take a guess! Delaware and Ireland are not allowed as guesses!

Caren Explains Her Old Journal

Thursday was my last day at Paste.

It feels strange to even write that. Four years come and gone so quickly, with so much having transpired in between. (I'll have to write another post-Paste blog later when I'm not on a dial-up connection)

While I was cleaning out my file cabinet I found an old journal -- the one I kept in the summer and fall of 2003, during my mission work in North Dakota, my internship at MTV, and my semester abroad in London. I went from an Indian reservation to Times Square to a shoebox-sized flat in London, all within a 3 month timespan. As someone who abhors change, this phase of my life proved to be the most challenging and terrifying, and consequently, the most defining and rewarding one.

When I reread the journal it was surreal. In some ways, I think I was more profound and self-aware at 20 than I am now. But then I'll come across a passage where I clearly had no faith in my future or in God's will or in myself, and think, 'How could you be so naive to think things wouldn't work out?'

And they did work out, brilliantly. I got to have my dream job -- the one I described in an undergraduate college application. I also met incredible, hard-working people along the way and am now blessed with lifelong friends. There were also times when I was pushed to my intellectual and emotional limits, but am now stronger for it. I have seen the dark underbelly of entrepreneurship, the importance of "corporate responsibility" in mega-companies, and how hard it is to be an adult... how hard it is to care so much.

Reading my journal was also strange because I felt so much calmer than my old self, and much more confident and excited for the unknown successes and challenges to come. Not to say that I'm not sad to see these other parts of my life expire. It is devastating.

But one thing I can take away from the past five years, and the journal entries I wrote those years ago, is that things always work out as they are supposed to. I have to remind myself that I only have the little snapshot, when God has the big picture.

And I can't wait to see what develops.

Caren Cleans Her Car

Yesterday I cleaned my car.

This was a huge ordeal but a necessary one, especially after Gigi (my car) got stuck in the mud at 3:15am on Saturday morning in the Bonnaroo parking lot. The next day it was still covered in this thick mud, both on the inside and outside of the car.

You would never guess what I found in the trunk and backseat (both now completely empty) so I'll go ahead and tell you, then we can all have a laugh at my expense...

- 85 CDs in their jewel cases
- 15 pairs of high heels and flip flops (even a pair of Jellies)
- 10 tubes of oil paint
- 7 Christmas cards I meant to mail in 2006
- 4 pairs of scissors
- 3 sweatshirts
- The Audacity of Hope and The World Is Flat
- 1 air filtration unit
- 1 neon green Paula Abdul slap bracelet

... oh, and a Red Cross Emergency Survival kit... though with all of the stuff above, I'm sure I could've played MacGyver and survived on my own, using the slap bracelet as a tourniquet.

Thanks to a nap I'm hangin tough at Bonnaroo for My Morning Jacket's 12am-3am set. There is so much walking and crowd shuffing that the exhaustion will sneak up on you, kinda alike the sunburn stripe I have on my forehead. But this set is energizing! Jim James is covering James Brown, backed by horns and his tight band. Metallica's guitarist sat in for "One Big Holiday" too and shredded it like he wrote the freakin song.

Quite an end to the day, onein which I saw a joyful Glen Hansaard make The Swell Season a festival standout. !!! was fantastic too, with on stage charisma similar to that of Of Montreal. Rilo Kiley also impressed and I realized while taking in their set that "A Better Son/Daughter" might be the soundtrack to my life in recent days (well, maybe just the chorus and not the lyrics about the mother being high all the time). I wonder if I could pull off Jenny Lewis bangs? And learn to play guitar like her? The songs are keyed right for my voice... hmm, maybe I should stick to what I know.

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